Super Bore XL

What was worse? The game or the halftime show?

Sure, the final score was Seattle 29 / New England 13, but the game was nowhere near that close. A personal record was set for kicking the most field goals, and New England’s O-line seemingly took the afternoon off. New England quarterback Drake Maye, who finished as a close runner-up to Matthew Stafford for the title of the NFL’s MVP, was just plain awful.

The commentary was pedestrian, with the sole decent—if patently obvious— observation coming from Cris Collingsworth: “If you can’t even stop a four-man rush, you’re going to lose.” But, that’s the problem with the “access” media, right? They dare not get too negative, or even realistic. No doubt, both Collingsworth and broadcast partner Mike Tirico knew the game was terrible. Yet, even if gentle mockery would have engaged the viewers, they just didn’t go there.

It’s called the “access” media because they have to kiss ass to keep their access. I’m not sure why this should apply to sports broadcasting, though. The term originated to describe the lapdog media coverage of feature films, implying that access to key events would be denied if they didn’t toe the line.

However, billions of dollars are paid to the NFL for broadcast rights. If anyone should be kissing up, it should be the league. I guess the networks haven’t really thought this one through. But then, these are the same networks that, despite a 50-year head start, are losing the battle to streaming outfits.

As to the halftime show, it was execrable, but of course was praised by…you guessed it, the access media. There’s no denying that Bad Bunny is popular on Spotify, and has charted well in Billboard, but the effrontery of performing solely in Spanish cannot be ignored. More than that, understanding what he was singing—even for a native Spanish speaker—would have been difficult, given his mumble-rap style.

There is also the matter of the twerking women, and the two guys stimulating sex acts. Not to mention that the published lyrics of some of the songs performed are beyond vulgar, even if they were mostly cleaned up for the halftime show. Draw your own conclusions as to why a flagrantly anti-American Puerto Rican rap artist should be the headliner for a Super Bowl halftime show.

If Roger Goodell is doing this to help build a worldwide audience for his league, biting the hand that has been gloriously feeding you might not be the best approach. While Jay-Z’s Roc Nation is responsible for picking and producing the halftime show acts, it still has to be signed off by Roger baby. I wonder what the team owners thought about this.

As it is, with NFL broadcasts now bloated with commercials; inane commentary; brainless sideline girls; absurd new kickoff rules; and game day staffs, who seem to delight in giving us their often inaccurate and lame takes on the proceedings; the viewing public is rapidly losing interest in what the league (and broadcasters) have to offer.

Props to Turning Point USA, which streamed its own competitive halftime show, that garnered an estimated 25 million views. It’s good to know that the spirit of American entrepreneurship is alive and well.